Nobody seems able to define it precisely in words, either of English or of any other language. The best I've ever come up with is this: 'Love is what happens when the other person's happiness is more important to you than your own.'
Yet this approach applies in the narrow field of a romantic, that is to say, a sexual love between two people. We all know such a love is initiated largely by hormones and controlled by emotions. For these reasons, it can all too easily 'end in tears' or something worse.
Having been extraordinarily lucky in relationships throughout my life, I've come to see that the real, lasting ones - whether of a spouse, lover, friend, Sennheiser shotgun mic child or sibling - are based on a quality too seldom spoken of in this context. That quality is Respect and it comes in two flavours: self-respect and respect for the Other. Self-respect is hard-won.
It arises from a clear-eyed examination of our own character, based on the evidence of our actions in past situations.
Acknowledging the mistakes we made.
Appreciating the lessons learned from them.
Accepting full responsibility for our choices.
Avoiding the easy way of laying blame elsewhere.
And, most importantly, discovering our personal 'Line in the Sand' - that point at which no threat, no bribe, no temptation can move us.
We cannot be bought. So, we are free. Once that Line is drawn, all decisions are made easy. Respect for the Other grows from the same base, I think. And it also eases the process of making decisions.
Being respectful of Nature means we don't feel any need to impose ourselves on the landscape by such crimes of greed and selfishness as:
Reproducing ourselves at the rate of plague locusts, without first building infra-stucture to allow all people a decent standard of living and education.
Mining minerals without restoring the area to a self-sustaining condition.
Changing watercourses to suit our own purposes without thought for the needs of other life-forms and systems dependent on it.
Scratching and daubing our names on cave walls, tree trunks, monoliths and cliff faces just to 'show we were there.'
Both forms of respect become second-nature when we remember that we humans are not somehow 'outside' of Nature.
We can learn - we are learning - by looking at how the other animals and the plant species handle life in Nature. For just one example, think of the improvements in aeronautics that grew out of a study of bees, birds, insects, tree and grass seeds. We still have a lot to learn about respecting the Other in our own species.
Population density grows every minute, putting ever more pressure on our social tolerance: for immigrants from different cultures, for those who hold different religious beliefs, for those who hold sexual, political or philosophical views different from those of the local majority.
At Christmastime, more than any other, we need to recall and act on the principle expressed by the teacher Jesus and those who taught him. The Golden Rule advises us to treat others as we'd wish them to treat us. That ancient and straight-forward guide to the good life is still the antidote to the creed of greed and self-absorbtion delivered by modern marketeers.
The truth for each of us is: we are the centre of our own universe. So far as we know, the world ends when we die. So, there's nothing wrong with loving ourselves, taking care of our bodily needs, our health, wealth and happiness, right here and now.
The only obligation we have, as human beings, is to do no harm or injustice to others, within the bounds of our biological Prime Directive - to survive. It also helps to keep our sense of the absurd well-honed so we don't fall into the trap of taking ourselves, or anyone, too seriously.
Dorothy Gauvin is an internationally acclaimed Australian painter in oils who specialises in an epic theme of Australia's pioneers. See images of her 'Life-Story' portraits, an ABC of homemade tools for painters with arthritis, plus tips and advice for aspiring artists and collectors on her website at http://www.artgallerygauvin.com/
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